December 09, 2012
Cry-Baby #1: Kayla A. Bonkowski
The incident: A woman did not wash her dishes.
The appropriate response: Maybe a passive-aggressive note. Maybe nothing?
The actual response: Her housemate attempted to poison her with bleach.
College student Kayla A. Bonkowski (pictured, above left) was arrested after allegedly putting bleach into the iced tea of her housemate Emily Joseph (above, right).
After drinking the poisoned tea, Emily was taken to her local hospital, and treated for non-serious injuries. Upon being discharged, she complained to the police and Kayla was arrested and charged with "felony poisoning".
During her interview with police, Kayla admitted that the reason she attempted to kill Emily was because "she is mean", and had not washed her dishes. She now faces up to 15 years in prison.
My old housemate once got really mad at me because I put all of her dirty dishes (which had been sitting in our kitchen for like, five weeks, BTW) in her bed while she was at work. She wouldn't shut up about it for like, six months. I'm gonna forward her this article to show her how lightly she got off.
Cry-Baby #2: Vanessa Ryan
The incident: A woman found a maggot in an apple she was eating.
The appropriate response: Throwing the apple away. MAYBE returning it to the shop where you bought it, depending on how much spare time you had that day.
The actual response: After complaining to the Morrisons supermarket where she purchased the apple, she contacted her local newspaper.
Twenty-five-year-old Vanessa had taken two bites out of the apple when she discovered the maggot. She promptly ran to her bathroom, where she was sick.
Speaking to her local paper of this terrifying incident, Vanessa said: “It’s a good job it wasn’t my daughter who ate it. She had been eating the apples for her lunch all week. She loves fruit and this would have put her off apples for good. The whole experience was just vile."
Before adding: "Everything I eat now I pull apart to make sure there is nothing inside. I just hope it doesn't happen to anyone else."
She also took photos of the apple and maggot, and gave them to Morrisons who offered her a refund and some gift vouchers. A spokesperson for the supermarket chain said: "We’ve offered our apologies to Mr and Mrs Ryan. Our technical team are investigating further.”
How would you even go about approaching a newspaper about something like this? Do you think she just called up their news desk and said: "Guys – you are not gonna believe this. I found a f***ing bug in my apple"?
And can you imagine how little you would need to have going on in your life for this to be "a thing" for you? I can think of at least three occasions in the past that I have found bugs in fruit I was eating, and I don't think I even mentioned it to the people I was with when it happened. It's a fucking apple! It grew on a tree. Outside. Surely that's just a risk you take when you eat an apple? Does she want them to X-ray each individual apple before selling it to her? They cost like, 10p.